I've Learned Something Today.

Lesson #1: Do NOT Try to Take Cuban Cigars Over the U.S. Border.

Border Guard: "Hello, folks. Do you have any firearms, alcohol, or tobacco products?"

Kenton: "Nn --"

Teresa: "Oh -- yes, we do! We have those cigars. Those ones we got in Cuba, you remember --"

B.G.: "Okay, where'd you get the cigars?"

Kenton: "Ah ..."

Teresa: "Cuba. We got them in Cuba, when we were in Cuba last year."

B.G.: (Sighing) Okay, sir, give me you keys. Let's take a look to see if they're REALLY CUBAN CIGARS."

... few minutes wait, during which K.andT. are thinking "honesty is the best policy! I'm sure we'll be on our way shortly."

B.G.: "Put your four-ways on, drive over there, park, and go into that building."

... oh ... dear ...

Later, after a twenty-minute wait:

New Border Guard: "So what are you trying to bring into the U.S. today?"

Kenton: "Cigars. Cuban cigars."

N.B.G'.: "Are you SURE they Cuban?"

Teresa: "Oh, yes. We bought them in Cuba."

N.B.G.: "You realize there's an embargo against anything Cuban coming into the U.S.?"

Kenton: "Um..."

N.B.G.: "Okay, give me your keys, we'll take a look."

At this point, Kenton is starting to think about things ... like how we've just insisted that yes, we are attempting to bring in illegal contraband to the United States. Oh, yes, absolutely, those are cuban cigars. No doubt in our minds, officer. Then Kenton starts to realize that this could involve a fine. Yeah, probably a fine. At least. Not to mention no more cigars, and jeez hopefully we won't have to go into that little locked room over there.

Finally, the N.B.G. returns from their strip-search of our car.

N.B.G. "How long you been a firefighter?"

Kenton: "About ten years."

N.B.G.: "Couldn't pass the intelligence test to be a police officer, huh?" (Ha ha ha, and we heartily joined in. Ha ha ha, no sir, that's for sure, boy howdy are we dumb, ha ha)

And then, a miracle:

N.B.G.: "Here are your passports --"

K/T: "Thank you! Oh, thank you, we really --"

N.B.G.: "-- and here are you cigars. They're Dominicans, by the way -- you were ripped off. Have a good trip."

Ha ha ha, ho ho, and we thanked them profusely as we scampered back to our car. Thank God we had the firefighter license plate -- as Kenton said, "That damn thing's paid for itself."